The First Man I Loved (my Tatay)


I wanted to write a paragraph to describe him but i just can't. Not because i have nothing good to say about him nor because i have no fond memories that i can recall. It's just that the more i think of describing him, the more that i try to describe the good and bad memories that we had, the more I cannot bear the realization that it's been 9 years already since lung cancer took him away from us. Tay, you will always be my source of inspiration and strength (next to God and Nanay of course). I love you so much.

some of the few pictures we have with our dear tatay




Yearning so much to have you here once again
Desire is too much, that it turns into pain
What more is the thought of your presence in the same land I am at.
Pounding my heart, the shout is so loud
Yet no single thud comes out.

　　
Behind these tears I will never give up
This is the only cure to the bleeding state of my mind
The wound will never heal, yet it’s the lone way I have
Inside me are memoirs of you that make me feel like you're right beside me

　
I am missing you, plummeting to my subliminal all the time
Tears set in motion as I endure the agony of recollection
It’s been so long but never will I feel worn-out
The pain may kill me, but since it’s the only way for you to stay alive, I’ll have to get by.